Remarried Moms Twice as Likely to be Left by Husband -Study Shows

South Lake Tahoe, CA, August 09, 2013 --(PR.com)-- The survey sheds new light on the amount of stress experienced by step-dads in the US and Canada “Most of these families will fail. It's been that way for a few decades," says Wheeler. "Now we know men are more likely to leave than wives. This is a reversal from traditional couples, where women request the divorce nearly 70% of the time." Responses from step-dads showed these men are twice as likely to leave –compared to biological fathers. This most recent divorce averages in the US and Canada are below 50%.

The study painted a picture of discontent in men who weren't prepared for the stresses of becoming a father. "Only 18% of the respondents said they had children of their own," says Wheeler. "That makes us re-examine the idea of so-called blended-families. In four of five of these families the only new addition is the step-dad. That's not really a blended family." This may have the end effect of making new step-dads feel isolated and may be one of the reasons they chose to leave.

The majority of men reported they felt their role wasn't defined. They didn't understand what their wives wanted them to do. One anonymous respondent said, "I thought I knew how to do it (be a step-dad) but I didn't." This suggests many men aren't prepared to becoming an instant parent. Most of the step-dads also said they felt unappreciated by their spouse. Nearly a third said it was harder than they expected and reported they had problems with the children's biological father. These were also factors reported as reasons men asked for a divorce.

These new findings give single moms new information to consider if they're considering marrying. "We found men are much more likely to marry a woman with younger kids-as opposed to teens," says Wheeler. "The most common age of kids at the time of marriage was between two and seven. We have to assume most of these couples dated for a little while, so men seem more likely to date moms with kids aged one to six and less likely to date them when their kids are older." Does this mean ladies are out of luck if their kids are in their teens? Wheeler doesn't think so. "The difference between the younger kids and those 16 and older was just a few points. In the end, love seems to be a bigger factor than the kid's ages."

The big lesson from the results seems to be ladies need to help their new husbands bond with the family and talk more about what role they want the step-dad to play. Better communication and allowing the men to be more involved in raising the kids should help improve the odds of staying married.

Wheeler is a Family Dynamics Researcher, author and columnist. He’s a step-dad of three.