Hillary Turns 60: Top Ten Words of Wisdom
Advice for a woman on the mountaintop from an author who's already over the hill.
Ferndale, CA, October 09, 2007 --(PR.com)-- Senator Hillary Clinton will be 60 years old on October 26.
To ease the Presidential contender over any apprehension about this milestone birthday, Wendy Reid Crisp, author of “When I Grow Up I Want To Be 60,” offers a guide to the seventh decade:
1. Throw out the first ball of the major league baseball season – even if you throw like a girl.
Once you’re over 60, it is impressive if a pitch gets even close to home plate -- and failure would put to rest any steroid issues.
2. Refuse to wear corsages. When the welcoming committee greets you with baby orchids, feign an allergy. “Mature” is the image we seek over 60 -- not “embalmed.”
3. The ornery confidence of a woman over 60 flaunts imperfections. In your case, I suggest singing. Yeah, we watched the video on YouTube where you were caught in an off-key version of the national anthem -- and we loved it.
4. Get a dog. Not corgis – not only does the Queen have that breed locked in, but little, yappy dogs lend no dignity to a woman over 60. We recommend a border-collie mix from the pound (great photo op) with a name like Frank or Bob. Train him to herd sheep and take him with you to the county fairs.
5. Avoid plastic rain scarves. It’s not advisable to brave the weather a la William Henry Harrison (and die of pneumonia) but it’s strange do so as a head of lettuce.
6. Tears glistening on the cheeks of world leaders nourish our parched cynicism. But for heaven’s sake, dear, wear waterproof mascara.
7. Never tell a “real” joke – the kind where two guys and a llama walk into a bar. Men use linear humor to compete. We women, given plenty of time in the three-layer setup to ready our facial muscles for the fake laugh, can use the seemingly endless narrative time to plan our verbal ambush.
8. Keep a diary … but lie. Why worry about how you will be viewed by history? Make it up.
9. Refrain from introducing any body parts as topics of public interest. The President’s polyps are not pleasant news to the populace, and when the President is a woman – it’s a sexist reality -- medical details will elicit a long, national “Ewwwww.”
10. Make no effort to connect with women on an “I know what it’s like” basis. If we wanted leaders, celebrities, mentors, or cultural icons who were just like us, there would be no soap operas, no Oprah, no Martha Stewart, no Princess Diana. I don’t know how to get a bill through the U.S. Senate, and you don’t know how to mark prices on baskets of artificial flowers for a yard sale.
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To ease the Presidential contender over any apprehension about this milestone birthday, Wendy Reid Crisp, author of “When I Grow Up I Want To Be 60,” offers a guide to the seventh decade:
1. Throw out the first ball of the major league baseball season – even if you throw like a girl.
Once you’re over 60, it is impressive if a pitch gets even close to home plate -- and failure would put to rest any steroid issues.
2. Refuse to wear corsages. When the welcoming committee greets you with baby orchids, feign an allergy. “Mature” is the image we seek over 60 -- not “embalmed.”
3. The ornery confidence of a woman over 60 flaunts imperfections. In your case, I suggest singing. Yeah, we watched the video on YouTube where you were caught in an off-key version of the national anthem -- and we loved it.
4. Get a dog. Not corgis – not only does the Queen have that breed locked in, but little, yappy dogs lend no dignity to a woman over 60. We recommend a border-collie mix from the pound (great photo op) with a name like Frank or Bob. Train him to herd sheep and take him with you to the county fairs.
5. Avoid plastic rain scarves. It’s not advisable to brave the weather a la William Henry Harrison (and die of pneumonia) but it’s strange do so as a head of lettuce.
6. Tears glistening on the cheeks of world leaders nourish our parched cynicism. But for heaven’s sake, dear, wear waterproof mascara.
7. Never tell a “real” joke – the kind where two guys and a llama walk into a bar. Men use linear humor to compete. We women, given plenty of time in the three-layer setup to ready our facial muscles for the fake laugh, can use the seemingly endless narrative time to plan our verbal ambush.
8. Keep a diary … but lie. Why worry about how you will be viewed by history? Make it up.
9. Refrain from introducing any body parts as topics of public interest. The President’s polyps are not pleasant news to the populace, and when the President is a woman – it’s a sexist reality -- medical details will elicit a long, national “Ewwwww.”
10. Make no effort to connect with women on an “I know what it’s like” basis. If we wanted leaders, celebrities, mentors, or cultural icons who were just like us, there would be no soap operas, no Oprah, no Martha Stewart, no Princess Diana. I don’t know how to get a bill through the U.S. Senate, and you don’t know how to mark prices on baskets of artificial flowers for a yard sale.
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Contact
Wendy Reid Crisp
707-786-9196
www.iwanttobe60.com
707-786-9196
www.iwanttobe60.com
Contact
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